Authentic Beauty.

maybe i'm just too used to have him sleeping here at my place.
tonight, he's not here with me.
or at least snoring in my brother's room.
to add on, he's fishing at ECP now. (East Coast Park)
haizz...

we had a small tensed conversation on the phone just now afternoon, while he was walking towards the mosque.
quite stupid yet hurting conversation.
it was small cause we managed to settle it as soon as it started.
now i'm thinking twice, again.
HAIZZ...

all throughout the month of March, he had been sleeping countless number of times here.
and i had countless number of sleepless nights as well.
not because we were chatting all night long.
it was because i was afraid i might not wake up on time to see him go off to work.
is that called love?
nah.. not that easy right..

next month, there will be this special day for us.
i am not prepared for it at all.
i need my paycheque. soon!

alright. i feel so the kental each time i blog about him.
its like, there's no other things in this world to talk about other than him.
but heck!
I LOVE HIM.
end.

Thursday, March 22, 2007 .

friends forever ? 00:12

one more week or so till the end of March breaks.
three crazy=siow weeks past like wind.
time has been a MAJOR factor for me.

though stressful most of the times, i'm contented with my life now.
rather than staying at home and simply rot, my lifestyle has changed.. for the better.
my seventeenth year is shaping up to be a perfect square.
[ Family ][ Love ][ Career ][ School ]

i admit that i'm missing one more thing- Friends.
well, like i've said on my intro page: MyFriends are flowers. Bloom when cared for. Wither if neglected.
i don't wanna say much about friendship, cause it hurts me each time i think about it.

i read this phrase somewhere and i agreed with it, at first: Months of friendship are better than years of love.
i grew up in secondary school believing that my girlfriends are always more important than boyfriends.
however, as we age on, i learnt that TRUE FRIENDS sees no gender.
doesn't matter if that person is a girl or a guy, but as long as he/she values you as a real friend, then that is what i will call a 'true friend'.

it saddens me when there came a day for me.
everything seems to be falling down on me.
like having a thick woolen black blanket covering my whole body, giving me no fresh air to breathe.
all of my pillars of strength have crashed down.
and all that is left was myself.
nobody knows what i was feeling, what i was going through.
texts are sent out, calling for help indirectly.
but none reply.

where were those friends who said they will be there for me?
where were they when i needed them the most?
where was the time when they said "today you've helped me, another day i'll help you"?

then i stopped asking all these but instead reflected on myself something else:

Where have i gone wrong, to the extend that my friends are actually abandoning me . . .
i'm still finding the answers to this last question.

Monday, March 19, 2007 .

God, I Love Him 00:45

too many things happening.

hmm..

let's start with my posting result.

first, i was posted to Millenia Institute under Arts.

went to appeal for RP, TP & NYP on that Tuesday itself.

but i did went for MI's Orientation the following day.

the school is fun, though my heart wasn't there.

i'm just being present for the sake of it.

met and made a lot of friends there.

i love the school and environment.

but i dislike the principal.

end of story.

and so my appeal was successful.

disappointed though, i got into RP's Customer Relationship & Service Management.

well, that's the only course that i'm interested in in that school.

and i chose that school as my first appeal choice only because i wanna make my parents happy that i'd be going to a school very near home.

sheesh!

hmm..

suddenly i'm having thoughts of to not continue schooling.

and be a housewife instead.

bleableablea.

nonsense nurazrin.

so that's the part about school.

what else?

i guess that would be all that i'd be updating for tonight cuz i wanna get busy to change my skin.

plus, i'm feeling pretty lethargic now.

though i'd been at home the whole day today.

for Him:

honey, i love you, you know?

thanks for EVERYTHING.

losing you is soul-breaking.

you will never be replaced.

Saturday, March 10, 2007 .

is it safe to say that . . . 03:52

i feel like saying something out here.
but i'm darn sure it will hurt someone.
cause i can imagine myself feeling hurt if that person say such thing about me.
but can i just say it out?
urgh!
i feel like changing my . . .
dot dot dots.
hah!
but coming to think of it.
especially after that girl-2-girl talk i had with one my goodie fwen, Lila.
she may not know everything.
but, all that she had said does make sense.
yet, sometimes, things aren't just as wonderful as it looked like from a distance.
as one would approach closer, that's when they would realise, everything is not so perfect and cute after all.
while things may seem so fine at first, at the end of the day, there is bound to be at least one misunderstanding / miscommunication going on.
AARRGH!!
i can safely say lah for now: i'm feeling irritated!
irritated not because someone is disturbing me.
but irritated in the sense that someone has actually chosen to ignore me.
ah! malas ah nak pikirkan. uat sakit ati jek. pusing kiri je mcm nak hentam je kepale de.
URGH!
okay before i would get carried away, it's best i log off now yea.
sorry for the lousy update tonight.
i AM feeling lousy now actually.
okay enough!
ciao.
on the last note, just to let this out: why should i treat you as my everything if i am your nothing?

Tuesday, March 6, 2007 .

>O< home sweet home >O< 02:27

have not been at my home pc for the past few days.
been coming home ever so late nowadays.
one good thing, it's getting earlier and earlier.
from 1AM then next day 12MN to 11PM just now.
the later i go out, the later i get home.
the earlier i go out, the earlier i get home.
simple as that.
reached home, get changed, eat [ sometimes too tired to even eat ], then Zzzz...
morning drag myself off the bed, showered, get dressed and off i go.

SHIT!
talking about this, suddenly a thought struck on me.
i have to wake up at 0750 later.
besides checking out for my JAE posting, i have to go out, again.
sheesh!
and maybe, i might even have to go to temasek poly.
cause i really want that L&M course even if i ain't offered for it.
and i'm going to appeal for it.
!!!!!!

another very very good thing is that- i meet Din every other day.
and it has never been better this way.
no fights for three days, what a record.
hah!
but there were still tears along the way.
Tears of Love, Tears of Joy.
heee...

okay, now my eyes are crossed.
off to bed first.
until i get to blog again.
tata~

Friday, March 2, 2007 .

yesterday, and the day before. 07:07

the last entry was.. dots.

anyway, time to update about my own self yea.

okay, currently i'm feeling sleepy.

but i can't go to sleep.

cause i have to wake Din up later.

and the problem now is, i don't know what time does he want to be awoken.

he just went to sleep without saying anything to me just now.

even when i went to kiss him everywhere on his face, he was dead asleep [ yes, he's sleeping over at my place, for tonight only ].

hmm..

one thing i'd realised about him is that, he's quite a heavy sleeper.

but, he's actually not.

especially while he is with his friends.

maybe spending time with me is too boring that he must have felt sleepy every night that i'd be with him.

he can chill with his friends [ you guys know who you are ] all the way till sunrise.

but if he's with me, by 3 o'clock, he'd be sleeping already.

zzzzz....

tido, tido, tido.. tu je dia tahu..

yet, maybe i can understand why he can't get to sleep if he's out with you fellas.

maybe i do.

hmm..

right. i'd decided to wake him up at 0730 later.

shaish..! and why the hell is my dad sleeping with him tonight at the living room?!

Din would usually sleep alone or with my eldest brother outside, but why did Dad decided to accompany him??

sheesh! now i can't go wake him up the lovey-dovey way.

ha! ha!

now that's crap. heh.

alright! enough about him already.

during dinner just now [ finally, last night, we had a full attendance at the table + one pax extra ;) ],

my mum told me that i have orange hair... !!!

i started to think of the type of orange like my room wall colour.

but then, coming to think of it, my hair colour is a mixture of light brown and red.

so there, it gives you ORANGE!

and at the same time, my eldest brother's hair is blonde and my 2nd brother, red.

ha! ha! see, we have western blood in us.

but our parents remain as our parents.

although their hair are both black+grey.

okay. okay. i'll stop with this bullshit.

oh yes, i'd heard from the news radio just now evening.

that the results for the JAE will be sent at 8 AM or 8 PM [ i didn't get to hear that clearly ] on Tuesday, marchSIX.

hu hu hu. I CAN'T WAIT!

Oh God, please please please make me go TP L&M.

please please, pretty please?

for the past 2-3 days, i'd been watching Cicak-Man [ a Malay Malaysian movie ] and Ghost Rider at least two times.

Cicak-Man is a remix of Spider-Man and Batman.

Cicak, mentioned as Chi-Chak, is lizard in Malay.

in other words, it's Lizard-Man.

which sounds quite lame when translated to English.

what can i comment about that movie?

i love Saiful Apek! to the extreme!

call his jokes lame for all you want, but i love him because it tickles me each time i see his face.

Ghost Rider was almost un-understandable for me, at first.

the second round, i could finally understand the story here and there.

by the third watch, i can actually tell you how the story goes.

ha! ha!

and i find the part where Johnny and that cowboy-man riding together side-by-side was cool.

anyone else has comments about these two movies?

Thursday, March 1, 2007 .

maybe this entry is only about Din. right? 15:32

now that my blog hasn't been updated.
i'm back baby.

okay.

i'd just deleted my previous entry, which i'd done minutes ago.

i realised that it's sooo crappy.

and the topic was boring- O Level [ which is sooo over! ].

i was reading my previous previous blog on Friendster before this.

and again, i realised, i haven't changed one bit.

well, in terms of attitude lah.

banyak peh nak jadi matured.

ngomong2 kosong aja aku nie.

shaizz.. why?!

i'm still the mean old Azrin who would always take Din for granted.

shiann ah dier...

baby, baby, i love you taus.

cepat datang please.

or at least call me.

i'm missing you.

suddenly, i remembered my old days.

while i was still schooling.

especially my Sec Four life.

i'd always be missing my boyfriend.

partly because we only meet like once a week, at most?

that's quite sad right..?

and i'd always be telling him, "after O's. after O's."

today itself, it is wayyy after O's.

and i'm seeing him ever so often.

well, what can i say?

i can never be happier!

hee.

he is magic.

yes, my magical huney who creates miracles.

okay, now that the feeling of lazytoblog is striking me.

i'm off.

will you sing to me those sappy Malay songs at the highway, like you did the other night, again?

it's a feeling i've never been through.

thanks for that night baby.

from Beach Road to Esplanade night.

you did me fine.